Happy Gotcha Day! 4 years?!

 

Joyah’s “Gotcha Day” was 4 years ago already?!   

March 23, 2014, was the appointed day that we would be in China to officially meet and forever welcome Joyah Mi Ni into our family.  So many emotions surround that day as we were anxious to meet and love the child God had prepared for our family.  We prayed for this child before we even knew who she was but God knew her from the beginning. 

Before we traveled to China we had received some medical information that made it unclear as to whether Joyah would ever be capable of walking, talking or doing much.  It wasn’t until after getting her home from China that we started to realize that God is the only explanation for why she is doing what she is doing.  Many doctors have told us that there is no explainable reason why she is capable of doing anything.  Well, my friends, she walking, she’s running, she talks non-stop!  God is the reason!

Joyah will continue to have many physical difficulties in life but this child is doing so many things!  Thanks to the help of growth hormone, she has grown from size 2T in July 2016 to size 5T by May of 2017.  She is now wearing size 5/6-right up with her peers!  She does amazingly well with vision in only one eye and is writing her name.  She is excited to start Kindergarten in the fall! 

 

Thinking about how far we’ve come emotionally with her also brings a tear to my eye.  Because Joyah has a traumatic past, she suffers from attachment disorder.  I was so ready to love and nurture her when we traveled to bring her home but she was not ok with it.  I was not prepared for her to spit food at me and scream as if I was killing her when trying to hold or rock her.  This went on for over the first year after coming home as well as a horrendous sleep pattern.  To this day, she will try to ruin her own fun and do things like refuse to eat ice cream that she really wants all because she doesn’t understand trust and love.  She didn’t get nurtured early in infancy as she was in critical hospital care and all her first touches were painful.  I’ve come to understand the reasons for her behavior which makes it easier to handle on a logical level but emotionally it’s draining on a daily basis. 

Over the past 3 years, after realizing I needed to be a permanent stay-at-home mom to her, we have seen improvements that we are so thankful for.  She is hugging and kissing more often and she isn’t usually screaming to get away from being rocked and sang to.   When picking her up from Sunday School, she is usually happy to see us come back.  The improvements are many although the hurdles still remain. 

God is ever faithful and I am more thankful for the "little things" because of Joyah.  If life with Joyah had been what I imagined before adopting her, I would have missed the lessons that God has taught me.  Real love is loving someone who isn’t always loveable.  Real love is God giving up his “One and Only Son”.  Real love is working through the tough stuff for the sake of another.  God never gives up on Us!  He is molding me into a new creation and that would have never happened without the blessing of my daughter. 

Joyah Mi Ni!  We will forever love you!  Happy Gotcha Day 4 years!!

Eating Chips is her favorite!

Chinese New Year 2018

Our Forever Family!

 

Happy Father's Day!!



 

Yesterday we enjoyed celebrating Father's Day with a pretty awesome Daddy, my husband James.  He is a hard worker, outdoorsman, jokester and most importantly he loves his family, children and his Lord.  He wrote a Father's Day article for our Orphan care ministry and I would like to share his heart with you. 

Happy Father's Day James!  Jonas, Josiah & Joyah & Mommy are Thankful!

He Gave

by James McNutt

I can still vividly recall the anxiety I was feeling when I became a father a little over 10 years ago.   I’d never been around kids much and I was still trying to figure out what this “daddy” thing was going to entail.  All of the sudden, I had to help care for, help train, and help provide for this new little creature that shared my looks and my last name.   I’ll never forget bringing our firstborn son, Jonas home, taking him out of his car seat and laying him on a blanket in the middle of our living room floor.  I looked down at him as he wriggled around and thought to myself, ‘Now what?’ 

As all babies do, Jonas quickly filled in the answer to my ‘Now what’ question with the constant need for watch and care.  Many adventures and sleepless nights followed that first question.   As time together passed, I was realizing how my love for this little guy that I had just met was increasing exponentially.  It was a love without end and a love that would see me do anything necessary to protect and care for my son.  It was unconditional.  No matter what might happen, my love for this boy would never wain. 

Being a daddy to Jonas had brought me a deep joy I had never known, so when I found out a second child was on the way, anxiousness had given way to anticipation.  When I first laid eyes on Josiah, my second born, the tears let go because I knew I got to share all my love with another child.  I’ll never forget the precious lady that delivered lunch to our room the next day.  She said, “Have a blessed day”.  On the surface, it was just a simple expression, but it helped me realize how God was using the blessing of my children to teach me about Him.

My beautiful, precious boys have brought me great joy, but they didn’t and won’t always obey me.   Along with the joy, there have been many moments of frustration and tears.  Daddy has had to get “mean” at times to teach the boys the way they should go and show them right from wrong.  I have realized through them, God is showing me my relationship to Him.  As a child of His, He takes great joy in me.   However, there are times I don’t listen and obey Him.  I have to be corrected just like my children.  Despite the troubles I give Him, God still loves me unconditionally.  God’s love for me will never waver.  He will continue to take great joy in me even when I’m unfaithful to Him.  God gave me my children to show me how deep His love is for His children.

God continued to teach me about His deep love when He led my wife Michelle and me to grow our family through adoption.  Michelle and I quickly realized the process of completing an adoption is difficult.  The money that must be raised seems insurmountable, the paperwork and chase is inconceivable, the interviews, the reference letters, the background checks, seem never ending.  After that is finally done comes the waiting period for sign off from all involved parties and then comes the excruciating waiting period to be matched with a child.  When the match finally occurred and we were matched with our little Joyah, we still had to wait a few more months and then travel 7,000 miles to her.  It wasn’t easy stuff, but when I walked into that crowded, tiny room after all that time and picked up and held my precious little girl, it made all of that trouble seem like a long-forgotten memory.   Once again God had shown me His love for me.  No matter how far away I get from Him or how difficult it might seem to be to get to me, He will find me.  He will pick me up and He will hold me and He will call me His son.  He left heaven and gave up everything to find me. 

As we continue our journey with Joyah, things are becoming ever more difficult.  Joyah fights against all that is good and all that is happy.  If something makes her feel comfort, feel loved, or brings enjoyment, she will try to push it away.  It has even gotten to the point that she resists all food because it makes her feel comfortable and cared for.  She struggles with a condition called attachment disorder.  This disorder is a result of the trauma of her past and it causes her to resist the comfort of a loving and submissive, relationship with her mommy and daddy.  She wants to live in the superficial and be dependent on only herself. 

Watching her, it is clear Joyah has a deep seated, internal struggle.  She desperately wants to be loved and enjoy life, but something inside won’t let her.  She has a mommy and daddy that will fight for her and struggle for her at all costs.  She has a mommy and daddy that love her unconditionally no matter what, but she can’t fully accept their love.   Joyah’s condition reminds me of the relationship so many in the world have with God.  God loves them no matter what they do.  They have a loving God that left heaven to find them wherever they are.  God fought and conquered the darkness to bring them peace and comfort.  Yet, despite the actions of God the Father, so many can’t fully accept His love and His sacrifice.  They are left in a state of internal struggle.  God however will continue to love them and fight for them so that they might come to personally know the peace and comfort of His love.  He won’t give up.  Like God loves us, I will relentlessly love my Joyah and through God’s grace and mercies she will find her peace.

My children have taught me and will continue to teach me the depths of God’s love for me and His children.  As a parent, I’ve learned the most often quoted verse in the bible, John 3:16 is also the best at explaining the amazing, incomprehensible nature of God’s love for this world.  “For God so loved the world, He gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life” It is easy to pass over what God gave in this oft quoted scripture, but as a parent, it hit me one day that what He gave was actually a Who.  God the Father gave His only son Jesus to die on a ruthless and torturous cross so that a world full of sinners might not stay dead in their sin.  As a daddy, I cannot fathom this.  I might die to save someone else, but there is no way I’d give my son or daughter over to die for a sinner.  Nevertheless, God’s love for the world is so much greater than even my love for my children that it’s unexplainable.  He gave His son.  He gave His delight.  He gave and allowed His beloved son to die a brutal death so that we orphaned sinners might not stay as orphans.  Because of what He gave, we can become children of God.  Because of His unfailing, relentless love, we can call Him Daddy! 

 

 

 

 

 

Forever Home- Two Years!!

Easter 2016

 

It’s pretty crazy to realize that our daughter, Joyah Mi Ni has been part of our family for two years now!  Her gotcha day was March 23, 2014 and we arrived home excited, thankful and exhausted on April 2, 2014 from China.  So much has happened over these past two years:  highs, lows and everything in between but God remains faithful and his presence feels stronger than ever before. 

Joyah was 17 months old when we arrived home from China.  She was a healthy and plump little girl who needed to learn everything for the first time.  She learned to crawl, walk, run and play with our family.  Joyah learned how to chew food, drink and swallow over the course of the first few months home.  She used to scream at animals, plants, trees, flowers, playgrounds and uneven walking ground.  Two years later, she is enjoying the zoo, her puppy at home and asking to go down slides at the park.  My, how God has helped her to enjoy life a little more!  Her big brothers adore their sister.  They love to play with her and they are her biggest supporters.

Last year, Joyah received her glasses to help with her poor eyesight and began needing to wear a “patch” to help her weaker eye.  More recently we have gained more insight into her challenges and medical conditions.   We have noticed that Joyah has NOT been growing as she should.  She is wearing many of the same clothes and shoes she was wearing when we brought her home as a 17 month old.  She was big then, now at 3 ½ years old, she is extremely small.  This prompted the doctors to order an MRI to check for any further medical conditions. 

January, 2016, Joyah was diagnosed with Septo Optic Dyplasia.  We already knew that Joyah has underdeveloped optic nerves which accounts for her poor vision, but this diagnosis also means that she has other undeveloped structures in her brain.  In her case, the pituitary gland is extremely underdeveloped and is not producing the hormones it needs to for Joyah to regulate her body and grow appropriately.  We are currently in the midst of figuring out how to replace various hormones in order to help regulate her body.  We are thankful that God is allowing us and the doctors to start putting some pieces together in order to help Joyah with her medical conditions. 

The most difficult part of these past two years, continues to be working through attachment with Joyah.  She has improved over the past year since I began staying home with her and since we have kept her close to us much of the time.  Joyah used to scream at the thought of being kissed, hugged, rocked or being played with by her family.  She is now asking for us to sing favorite songs, asking to be kissed, hugged and rocked.  However, she still is struggling with her need to feel “in control”.  She has a really hard time accepting food at this time.  Joyah once used to follow us around wanting food at all times.  Over the past few months, Joyah has decided that if she eats something from us, she has somehow given into us.  She is refusing food about 80% of the time.  Sweet treats are the hardest things for her to accept such as ice cream.  Joyah once asked for a piece of chocolate that her brothers were eating.  I gave the chocolate to her and she looked at it like I had just given her poison.  It took her 30 minutes to finally give in to eating it.  This is a dangerous control battle and we covet your prayers as she has lost weight. 

Adoption is hard.  Adoption is beautiful.  Adoption is a choice to Love.  Adoption is a Gift.  Adoption is what God did for us.  God is a good, good Father and I’m glad he is always there holding us through the waves and storms of life. 

 

Celebrating "Gotcha Day" at Pizza Hut
(Pizza Hut was our first meal together 2 years ago)

Growing Together

Joyah turned 3years old on Oct 13^th!  How in the world did our little 17 month old China baby become 3 years old already?  We celebrated Joyah’s birthday the same day we celebrated our youngest son Josiah’s baptism with much praise and thanks for what God has done in our family’s life. 

Joyah enjoyed a “Minnie Mouse” cake and even sang along to the “Happy Birthday” song as our family once again showered her with love.  She enjoyed her cake and presents much more this year.  On October 15^th, Joyah began to attend the “Great Beginnings” preschool where she attends for a few hours four days per week.  She receives preschool education, special therapy services for vision and speech, and occupational therapies.  Joyah had no problems going off to school and leaving Mom for a few hours, which is good and bad.  Although you want your child to be confident and independent, this lack of anxiety when separated from us as her parents is still of concern. 

Over the course of the past eight months or so, I have become “full-time” Mom to my children, particularly Joyah.  We have not left Joyah in the care of others (even family) but for a few hours on a few occasions.  We have sought to be her only source of affection, primarily receiving hugs, kisses and lap time from Mom or Dad.   All of this is being done to solidify that we are Mom and Dad and that we provide all the love, care and nurture that is needed.  If you think about it, that is what newborns get when all of their needs are primarily met by their mother or father.  This is how they learn to trust and learn to accept and receive love.  When this is not done for the child in the early stages of life, their brain does not make the connections it needs to form healthy attachments and develop trust.  Literally and physically, a child’s brain is developed differently which makes it very difficult and sometimes impossible to correct. 

In all honesty, the past year or so have been the hardest of my life.  Only over the past eight months have we really even understood why our daughter acted so kindly to strangers, but so very hateful to us.  Most of her anger directed at us is done out of fear, and now that we understand that, it’s a little easier to swallow.   I have spent many days where for hours, I hold Joyah while she kicks and screams at me all because I said something “too kind” to her or I offered to “play” with her.   This simple action triggered fear.  It often can be very hard to distinguish three year old disobedient girl stuff from what is a fear-based behavior.  Rather than a time out or other “negative” approaches, discipline for Joyah involves holding her through a fit and making her re-do her behavior the right way.  Every day is different and every day presents a new challenge.  She is always trying to start a “fight” in some way because if she can get us upset with her, she believes she is then in “control” and doesn’t have to respond to the love that we show her.  The more we show her love, the more often she is triggered to respond by pushing us away physically and emotionally.

Through all of this difficulty, I do believe that God knew before we did what we would encounter and chose us to fight this battle with and for Joyah.  It is a battle for her heart, soul and mind.  It is a battle for one of His precious children.  God is slowly growing us together as we learn to trust him more to raise Joyah for His glory.  HE is faithful and is giving us hope in the battle.  Joyah recently said, “I need a hug” and wholeheartedly accepted it.  God is good!

"Gotcha 1 year!"

How can I even begin the describe the events of this past year?  March 23, 2014, James and I were in Guiyang, Guizhou, China on our way to a building where we were to meet our daughter, Joyah Mi Ni for the first time.  This is known as "Gotcha Day".  We were excited and scared to death at the same time as we entered a small business building in the middle of the city.  We rode an elevator to an area in which several children were waiting with their foster parents to meet their new adoptive parents.  There she was, in the arms of her foster mother and foster sister waiting to meet us.  It was a moment like no other in the world.  She was very friendly and loved making faces at us.  When her foster mom handed her over for the first time, we expected her to cry, but she didn't and we were overjoyed at this new gift that God had given us. 

Over the past year, we have experienced new joys and many "firsts" with Joyah.  She took her first steps on Mother's Day and has gone on to experience life outside of concrete walls.  Joyah has not always liked new things such as grass, animals, trees etc but she has begun to enjoy them in her own timing.  Today, she loved just playing in the rocks in our backyard.  Last year, she would have been very upset to sit outside in grass to play with rocks. She has come so far!

In October, Joyah turned 2 years old and also received her glasses.  Joyah loves her glasses and get a lot of attention from her cuteness in them, which she eats up.  Along with the glasses, came a new stage to add to the many therapies she receives for speech and physical deficits.  We had to begin "patching" her better eye in order to force the brain to use her weak eye.  Her weak eye is legally blind and was so blind that when we started patching, she couldn't avoid walking into walls.  6 months later, we are happy to report that she can identify pictures in books using her left eye while being patched.  She still isn't happy about being "patched" for 6 hours per day but seems to be tolerating it a little better. 

In the midst of the joy that God brought to our family through Joyah, we have also experienced great confusion.   We didn't realize at the time, but when Joyah didn't cry for her foster mom, like all the other kids being adopted the day we got her did, we should have known something wasn't quite normal.  Joyah is charming and especially charming to people outside of our home.  She can melt anyone's heart and be a perfect angel.  However at home, we were beginning to see something quite different and realized that she would rather be anywhere else or with anyone else.  After talking with professionals and finally putting pieces together in our heads that for a while didn't make sense, it became clear that Joyah has many symptoms of an "Attachment Disorder".  This makes it difficult for her to allow herself to become close enough emotionally to fully attach to us as her Mom and Dad.  In her little mind, she is waiting for us to leave her and therefore will not allow herself to become too close.  To protect herself she has to push us away in anyway she can in order to feel safe emotionally.

Even though we are pushing through this new realization with Joyah, we know that God is stronger than anything and he is using this situation in our lives to bring glory to himself and the situation.  I am now a full-time stay at home Mom in the past couple of weeks and I realize that God has given me a new full-time job.  I may not get the "breaks" that I would like sometimes, but it gives me more time with the boys as well and gives me much more time and reason to say "Help God, I need you!"  It's so easy to become less dependent on God when things are going well and I am so thankful that God chose us to be Joyah's Mom & Dad!

Here are some memories of the past year....

First time we saw Joyah

First time holding Joyah

Back at the hotel taking off all the layers of clothes!

First bath- not thrilled

Joyah coming home to meet brothers

First Easter

First steps on Mother's Day

First Halloween

First Christmas

First ice cream

2nd birthday

Got my glasses!

Chinese New Year 2015

I like baths now!  March 22, 2015

Reflections

 

As I reflect on the year of 2014, I can think of so many of God’s blessings.  Joyah Mi Ni was promised to us on January 14^th and last Christmas we celebrated with her in mind but not yet home.  This year, she has been home 10 months and celebrated Christmas as a McNutt.  It didn’t take long for her to figure out that presents and Christmas lights were pretty fun.  She calls all lights, even police car lights “pretty” now. 

Looking back on last January we were excited to announce Joyah’s future arrival and anxious to receive travel approval which eventually happened in March.  We had so much to try to prepare for but God provided the expenses and needs as they came up.  Wow, so much has changed in one year!

Since arriving home, Joyah has gone from a crawler (only on a bed) to a walking, bouncy 2 year old little girl.  Her hair has grown; she wears “pretty” bows and adores the glasses that she now wears.  She is able to drink independent from a straw, eat with a fork/spoon and say “Love you”.   All of this seems so simple, but for Joyah it’s not simple as the doctors were unsure if any of this would ever happen.  She has overcome a lot and test results would say, she shouldn’t be able to do the things she can do. 

Joyah recently moved into the “2 year old” classroom at the daycare she attends twice per week and has been a little jabber box about it.  The stimulation of older peers seems to be great for her and has encouraged her will to try to talk and properly annunciate words a little more.  It also forces her to use the “bad” left eye more when we are patching her “good” right eye for the morning hours. 

In December we revisited the Ophthalmologists’ for a check up on Joyah’s vision.  Her left eye that previously could see basically nothing when the right eye was patched, is now seeing out of the left corner.  Her left eye will point toward her nose but she is able to see objects on her left side.  She is avoiding walls and obstacles much more and can even poke food with her fork when she wants to while patched.  We are so thankful that the Lord is allowing her eye to improve. 

Joyah also began to receive therapy services from CCVI (Children’s Center for Visually Impaired) in December.  These therapists are able to provide physical, occupational and speech therapy services with her visual impairment in mind.  She has already received many educational materials and visual aids that will help her improve in all areas of development. 

The biggest challenge that we as parents face is Joyah’s lack of will to try hard to succeed.  It is hard work to constantly push a 2 year old to work on therapeutic activities that require her effort when she would rather not do anything at all.  She was babied so much prior to her adoption that she would rather be held all day and never walk or climb a stair.  Simple tasks can be a big challenge for her, such as using her right hand to pick up a puzzle piece but for a child who has lack of control in that hand and has a strong will against trying to get better at things, you can begin to understand the parent/child battles that occur. 

Even in the midst of the challenges that God has given to us, it’s hard not to reflect on the blessings that occurred as well.  God is always ready to help us with our challenges and I know that through it all he will be there for us and will make us stronger.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Cor. 12:9

 

 

 

"Learning to See"

 

 

 

Life is changing once again at the McNutt household.  Joyah received her glasses at the end of October and has loved them from the first time they were placed on her face.  It must have been an immediate help to her vision as she started pointing at everything and asking what “that” was all around her.  Joyah has never tried to take them off and has learned to say “glasses” as well. 

            With the addition of glasses also came the new stage of eye “patching” that we had to begin in order to help improve vision in her left eye.  We have to patch the “good eye” (Right eye) to hopefully get the “bad” left eye to turn more vision on.  She has a poor optic nerve in the left eye.  We were under the assumption that with glasses she would have good vision in her “bad eye” and with patching it would just improve.  That has not been the case at all!           

            The first three days we “patched” Joyah she sat or stood in one spot crying and crying as she refused to open the un-patched eye to play or move around.  The eye doctor had asked us to “patch” her for 6 or more hours per day due to the severity of her case so you can imagine how terrible this was becoming.  On the fourth day, Joyah began to open the left eye but ran into walls, doors and tripped over everything on the floor.  We also noticed she was feeling for her food on her plate and feeling for toys on the floor.  This “patching” therapy revealed that she is very blind in her left eye and that glasses do nothing to help that eye. 

            Due to the extreme vision difficulty that even the doctors didn’t realize, they have now allowed us to “patch” for 3 hours per day.  This gives Joyah more time without the patch in which she can actually see to work on her speech, occupational and physical therapy exercises.  As you can imagine, you can’t learn eye-hand coordination if you can’t see. 

            After realizing the depth of Joyah’s visual deficits, Joyah will now be receiving services from The Children’s Center for Visually Impaired (CCVI) in order to help her learn to “see”, the best way she can.  This means helping her to be safe when walking by teaching her to scan her environment better and by teaching her to use the vision she has to accomplish tasks, like puzzles and stacking blocks etc.  We are praying that this new sight-centered therapy will help her advance more quickly with her current deficiencies.

            As we continue to discover more of the “layers” of Joyah’s health, we are thankful that the Lord has allowed us to do so at such a young age.  The opportunities that Joyah has access to are endless and amazing.  We are so thankful for these opportunities as they continue to help Joyah become a beautiful, talented and strong young lady.