Growing Together

Joyah turned 3years old on Oct 13^th!  How in the world did our little 17 month old China baby become 3 years old already?  We celebrated Joyah’s birthday the same day we celebrated our youngest son Josiah’s baptism with much praise and thanks for what God has done in our family’s life. 

Joyah enjoyed a “Minnie Mouse” cake and even sang along to the “Happy Birthday” song as our family once again showered her with love.  She enjoyed her cake and presents much more this year.  On October 15^th, Joyah began to attend the “Great Beginnings” preschool where she attends for a few hours four days per week.  She receives preschool education, special therapy services for vision and speech, and occupational therapies.  Joyah had no problems going off to school and leaving Mom for a few hours, which is good and bad.  Although you want your child to be confident and independent, this lack of anxiety when separated from us as her parents is still of concern. 

Over the course of the past eight months or so, I have become “full-time” Mom to my children, particularly Joyah.  We have not left Joyah in the care of others (even family) but for a few hours on a few occasions.  We have sought to be her only source of affection, primarily receiving hugs, kisses and lap time from Mom or Dad.   All of this is being done to solidify that we are Mom and Dad and that we provide all the love, care and nurture that is needed.  If you think about it, that is what newborns get when all of their needs are primarily met by their mother or father.  This is how they learn to trust and learn to accept and receive love.  When this is not done for the child in the early stages of life, their brain does not make the connections it needs to form healthy attachments and develop trust.  Literally and physically, a child’s brain is developed differently which makes it very difficult and sometimes impossible to correct. 

In all honesty, the past year or so have been the hardest of my life.  Only over the past eight months have we really even understood why our daughter acted so kindly to strangers, but so very hateful to us.  Most of her anger directed at us is done out of fear, and now that we understand that, it’s a little easier to swallow.   I have spent many days where for hours, I hold Joyah while she kicks and screams at me all because I said something “too kind” to her or I offered to “play” with her.   This simple action triggered fear.  It often can be very hard to distinguish three year old disobedient girl stuff from what is a fear-based behavior.  Rather than a time out or other “negative” approaches, discipline for Joyah involves holding her through a fit and making her re-do her behavior the right way.  Every day is different and every day presents a new challenge.  She is always trying to start a “fight” in some way because if she can get us upset with her, she believes she is then in “control” and doesn’t have to respond to the love that we show her.  The more we show her love, the more often she is triggered to respond by pushing us away physically and emotionally.

Through all of this difficulty, I do believe that God knew before we did what we would encounter and chose us to fight this battle with and for Joyah.  It is a battle for her heart, soul and mind.  It is a battle for one of His precious children.  God is slowly growing us together as we learn to trust him more to raise Joyah for His glory.  HE is faithful and is giving us hope in the battle.  Joyah recently said, “I need a hug” and wholeheartedly accepted it.  God is good!