Forever Home- Two Years!!

Easter 2016

 

It’s pretty crazy to realize that our daughter, Joyah Mi Ni has been part of our family for two years now!  Her gotcha day was March 23, 2014 and we arrived home excited, thankful and exhausted on April 2, 2014 from China.  So much has happened over these past two years:  highs, lows and everything in between but God remains faithful and his presence feels stronger than ever before. 

Joyah was 17 months old when we arrived home from China.  She was a healthy and plump little girl who needed to learn everything for the first time.  She learned to crawl, walk, run and play with our family.  Joyah learned how to chew food, drink and swallow over the course of the first few months home.  She used to scream at animals, plants, trees, flowers, playgrounds and uneven walking ground.  Two years later, she is enjoying the zoo, her puppy at home and asking to go down slides at the park.  My, how God has helped her to enjoy life a little more!  Her big brothers adore their sister.  They love to play with her and they are her biggest supporters.

Last year, Joyah received her glasses to help with her poor eyesight and began needing to wear a “patch” to help her weaker eye.  More recently we have gained more insight into her challenges and medical conditions.   We have noticed that Joyah has NOT been growing as she should.  She is wearing many of the same clothes and shoes she was wearing when we brought her home as a 17 month old.  She was big then, now at 3 ½ years old, she is extremely small.  This prompted the doctors to order an MRI to check for any further medical conditions. 

January, 2016, Joyah was diagnosed with Septo Optic Dyplasia.  We already knew that Joyah has underdeveloped optic nerves which accounts for her poor vision, but this diagnosis also means that she has other undeveloped structures in her brain.  In her case, the pituitary gland is extremely underdeveloped and is not producing the hormones it needs to for Joyah to regulate her body and grow appropriately.  We are currently in the midst of figuring out how to replace various hormones in order to help regulate her body.  We are thankful that God is allowing us and the doctors to start putting some pieces together in order to help Joyah with her medical conditions. 

The most difficult part of these past two years, continues to be working through attachment with Joyah.  She has improved over the past year since I began staying home with her and since we have kept her close to us much of the time.  Joyah used to scream at the thought of being kissed, hugged, rocked or being played with by her family.  She is now asking for us to sing favorite songs, asking to be kissed, hugged and rocked.  However, she still is struggling with her need to feel “in control”.  She has a really hard time accepting food at this time.  Joyah once used to follow us around wanting food at all times.  Over the past few months, Joyah has decided that if she eats something from us, she has somehow given into us.  She is refusing food about 80% of the time.  Sweet treats are the hardest things for her to accept such as ice cream.  Joyah once asked for a piece of chocolate that her brothers were eating.  I gave the chocolate to her and she looked at it like I had just given her poison.  It took her 30 minutes to finally give in to eating it.  This is a dangerous control battle and we covet your prayers as she has lost weight. 

Adoption is hard.  Adoption is beautiful.  Adoption is a choice to Love.  Adoption is a Gift.  Adoption is what God did for us.  God is a good, good Father and I’m glad he is always there holding us through the waves and storms of life. 

 

Celebrating "Gotcha Day" at Pizza Hut
(Pizza Hut was our first meal together 2 years ago)

Growing Together

Joyah turned 3years old on Oct 13^th!  How in the world did our little 17 month old China baby become 3 years old already?  We celebrated Joyah’s birthday the same day we celebrated our youngest son Josiah’s baptism with much praise and thanks for what God has done in our family’s life. 

Joyah enjoyed a “Minnie Mouse” cake and even sang along to the “Happy Birthday” song as our family once again showered her with love.  She enjoyed her cake and presents much more this year.  On October 15^th, Joyah began to attend the “Great Beginnings” preschool where she attends for a few hours four days per week.  She receives preschool education, special therapy services for vision and speech, and occupational therapies.  Joyah had no problems going off to school and leaving Mom for a few hours, which is good and bad.  Although you want your child to be confident and independent, this lack of anxiety when separated from us as her parents is still of concern. 

Over the course of the past eight months or so, I have become “full-time” Mom to my children, particularly Joyah.  We have not left Joyah in the care of others (even family) but for a few hours on a few occasions.  We have sought to be her only source of affection, primarily receiving hugs, kisses and lap time from Mom or Dad.   All of this is being done to solidify that we are Mom and Dad and that we provide all the love, care and nurture that is needed.  If you think about it, that is what newborns get when all of their needs are primarily met by their mother or father.  This is how they learn to trust and learn to accept and receive love.  When this is not done for the child in the early stages of life, their brain does not make the connections it needs to form healthy attachments and develop trust.  Literally and physically, a child’s brain is developed differently which makes it very difficult and sometimes impossible to correct. 

In all honesty, the past year or so have been the hardest of my life.  Only over the past eight months have we really even understood why our daughter acted so kindly to strangers, but so very hateful to us.  Most of her anger directed at us is done out of fear, and now that we understand that, it’s a little easier to swallow.   I have spent many days where for hours, I hold Joyah while she kicks and screams at me all because I said something “too kind” to her or I offered to “play” with her.   This simple action triggered fear.  It often can be very hard to distinguish three year old disobedient girl stuff from what is a fear-based behavior.  Rather than a time out or other “negative” approaches, discipline for Joyah involves holding her through a fit and making her re-do her behavior the right way.  Every day is different and every day presents a new challenge.  She is always trying to start a “fight” in some way because if she can get us upset with her, she believes she is then in “control” and doesn’t have to respond to the love that we show her.  The more we show her love, the more often she is triggered to respond by pushing us away physically and emotionally.

Through all of this difficulty, I do believe that God knew before we did what we would encounter and chose us to fight this battle with and for Joyah.  It is a battle for her heart, soul and mind.  It is a battle for one of His precious children.  God is slowly growing us together as we learn to trust him more to raise Joyah for His glory.  HE is faithful and is giving us hope in the battle.  Joyah recently said, “I need a hug” and wholeheartedly accepted it.  God is good!

"Gotcha 1 year!"

How can I even begin the describe the events of this past year?  March 23, 2014, James and I were in Guiyang, Guizhou, China on our way to a building where we were to meet our daughter, Joyah Mi Ni for the first time.  This is known as "Gotcha Day".  We were excited and scared to death at the same time as we entered a small business building in the middle of the city.  We rode an elevator to an area in which several children were waiting with their foster parents to meet their new adoptive parents.  There she was, in the arms of her foster mother and foster sister waiting to meet us.  It was a moment like no other in the world.  She was very friendly and loved making faces at us.  When her foster mom handed her over for the first time, we expected her to cry, but she didn't and we were overjoyed at this new gift that God had given us. 

Over the past year, we have experienced new joys and many "firsts" with Joyah.  She took her first steps on Mother's Day and has gone on to experience life outside of concrete walls.  Joyah has not always liked new things such as grass, animals, trees etc but she has begun to enjoy them in her own timing.  Today, she loved just playing in the rocks in our backyard.  Last year, she would have been very upset to sit outside in grass to play with rocks. She has come so far!

In October, Joyah turned 2 years old and also received her glasses.  Joyah loves her glasses and get a lot of attention from her cuteness in them, which she eats up.  Along with the glasses, came a new stage to add to the many therapies she receives for speech and physical deficits.  We had to begin "patching" her better eye in order to force the brain to use her weak eye.  Her weak eye is legally blind and was so blind that when we started patching, she couldn't avoid walking into walls.  6 months later, we are happy to report that she can identify pictures in books using her left eye while being patched.  She still isn't happy about being "patched" for 6 hours per day but seems to be tolerating it a little better. 

In the midst of the joy that God brought to our family through Joyah, we have also experienced great confusion.   We didn't realize at the time, but when Joyah didn't cry for her foster mom, like all the other kids being adopted the day we got her did, we should have known something wasn't quite normal.  Joyah is charming and especially charming to people outside of our home.  She can melt anyone's heart and be a perfect angel.  However at home, we were beginning to see something quite different and realized that she would rather be anywhere else or with anyone else.  After talking with professionals and finally putting pieces together in our heads that for a while didn't make sense, it became clear that Joyah has many symptoms of an "Attachment Disorder".  This makes it difficult for her to allow herself to become close enough emotionally to fully attach to us as her Mom and Dad.  In her little mind, she is waiting for us to leave her and therefore will not allow herself to become too close.  To protect herself she has to push us away in anyway she can in order to feel safe emotionally.

Even though we are pushing through this new realization with Joyah, we know that God is stronger than anything and he is using this situation in our lives to bring glory to himself and the situation.  I am now a full-time stay at home Mom in the past couple of weeks and I realize that God has given me a new full-time job.  I may not get the "breaks" that I would like sometimes, but it gives me more time with the boys as well and gives me much more time and reason to say "Help God, I need you!"  It's so easy to become less dependent on God when things are going well and I am so thankful that God chose us to be Joyah's Mom & Dad!

Here are some memories of the past year....

First time we saw Joyah

First time holding Joyah

Back at the hotel taking off all the layers of clothes!

First bath- not thrilled

Joyah coming home to meet brothers

First Easter

First steps on Mother's Day

First Halloween

First Christmas

First ice cream

2nd birthday

Got my glasses!

Chinese New Year 2015

I like baths now!  March 22, 2015

Reflections

 

As I reflect on the year of 2014, I can think of so many of God’s blessings.  Joyah Mi Ni was promised to us on January 14^th and last Christmas we celebrated with her in mind but not yet home.  This year, she has been home 10 months and celebrated Christmas as a McNutt.  It didn’t take long for her to figure out that presents and Christmas lights were pretty fun.  She calls all lights, even police car lights “pretty” now. 

Looking back on last January we were excited to announce Joyah’s future arrival and anxious to receive travel approval which eventually happened in March.  We had so much to try to prepare for but God provided the expenses and needs as they came up.  Wow, so much has changed in one year!

Since arriving home, Joyah has gone from a crawler (only on a bed) to a walking, bouncy 2 year old little girl.  Her hair has grown; she wears “pretty” bows and adores the glasses that she now wears.  She is able to drink independent from a straw, eat with a fork/spoon and say “Love you”.   All of this seems so simple, but for Joyah it’s not simple as the doctors were unsure if any of this would ever happen.  She has overcome a lot and test results would say, she shouldn’t be able to do the things she can do. 

Joyah recently moved into the “2 year old” classroom at the daycare she attends twice per week and has been a little jabber box about it.  The stimulation of older peers seems to be great for her and has encouraged her will to try to talk and properly annunciate words a little more.  It also forces her to use the “bad” left eye more when we are patching her “good” right eye for the morning hours. 

In December we revisited the Ophthalmologists’ for a check up on Joyah’s vision.  Her left eye that previously could see basically nothing when the right eye was patched, is now seeing out of the left corner.  Her left eye will point toward her nose but she is able to see objects on her left side.  She is avoiding walls and obstacles much more and can even poke food with her fork when she wants to while patched.  We are so thankful that the Lord is allowing her eye to improve. 

Joyah also began to receive therapy services from CCVI (Children’s Center for Visually Impaired) in December.  These therapists are able to provide physical, occupational and speech therapy services with her visual impairment in mind.  She has already received many educational materials and visual aids that will help her improve in all areas of development. 

The biggest challenge that we as parents face is Joyah’s lack of will to try hard to succeed.  It is hard work to constantly push a 2 year old to work on therapeutic activities that require her effort when she would rather not do anything at all.  She was babied so much prior to her adoption that she would rather be held all day and never walk or climb a stair.  Simple tasks can be a big challenge for her, such as using her right hand to pick up a puzzle piece but for a child who has lack of control in that hand and has a strong will against trying to get better at things, you can begin to understand the parent/child battles that occur. 

Even in the midst of the challenges that God has given to us, it’s hard not to reflect on the blessings that occurred as well.  God is always ready to help us with our challenges and I know that through it all he will be there for us and will make us stronger.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Cor. 12:9

 

 

 

"Learning to See"

 

 

 

Life is changing once again at the McNutt household.  Joyah received her glasses at the end of October and has loved them from the first time they were placed on her face.  It must have been an immediate help to her vision as she started pointing at everything and asking what “that” was all around her.  Joyah has never tried to take them off and has learned to say “glasses” as well. 

            With the addition of glasses also came the new stage of eye “patching” that we had to begin in order to help improve vision in her left eye.  We have to patch the “good eye” (Right eye) to hopefully get the “bad” left eye to turn more vision on.  She has a poor optic nerve in the left eye.  We were under the assumption that with glasses she would have good vision in her “bad eye” and with patching it would just improve.  That has not been the case at all!           

            The first three days we “patched” Joyah she sat or stood in one spot crying and crying as she refused to open the un-patched eye to play or move around.  The eye doctor had asked us to “patch” her for 6 or more hours per day due to the severity of her case so you can imagine how terrible this was becoming.  On the fourth day, Joyah began to open the left eye but ran into walls, doors and tripped over everything on the floor.  We also noticed she was feeling for her food on her plate and feeling for toys on the floor.  This “patching” therapy revealed that she is very blind in her left eye and that glasses do nothing to help that eye. 

            Due to the extreme vision difficulty that even the doctors didn’t realize, they have now allowed us to “patch” for 3 hours per day.  This gives Joyah more time without the patch in which she can actually see to work on her speech, occupational and physical therapy exercises.  As you can imagine, you can’t learn eye-hand coordination if you can’t see. 

            After realizing the depth of Joyah’s visual deficits, Joyah will now be receiving services from The Children’s Center for Visually Impaired (CCVI) in order to help her learn to “see”, the best way she can.  This means helping her to be safe when walking by teaching her to scan her environment better and by teaching her to use the vision she has to accomplish tasks, like puzzles and stacking blocks etc.  We are praying that this new sight-centered therapy will help her advance more quickly with her current deficiencies.

            As we continue to discover more of the “layers” of Joyah’s health, we are thankful that the Lord has allowed us to do so at such a young age.  The opportunities that Joyah has access to are endless and amazing.  We are so thankful for these opportunities as they continue to help Joyah become a beautiful, talented and strong young lady.

Joyah turned 2 years old!

Well, I'm a little behind with the blog.  The following is the latest article written for our church newsletter.  Joyah began wearing glasses a week and a half ago and loves them!  It is obvious that they help her out a lot!  However, a day after she started wearing glasses, we also had to start "patching" her good eye (right eye)  in order to hopefully maintain or increase vision in her left eye.  She has a pretty severe optic nerve issue and has little to no vision in the left eye at this time.  "Patching" has proven to be very frustrating for her.  She doesn't try to remove the patch but the first 3 days she refused to open the unpatched eye to play or walk. On the 4th day she began to open her eye but it is still quite obvious that she is only seeing enough to avoid running into walls at this time.  It is quite sad and she cries a lot.  She has to feel for her food and her toys and is currently unable to see them.  We pray that with time this will improve and that in a couple of weeks we may be able to "patch" her for less than the required 6 hours per day.

"Joyah turns 2 years old!"

As of October 2^nd, Joyah has officially been home from China for 6 months!  It’s amazing how quickly that time has passed but her accomplishments over that time are equally amazing.  When we first arrived home, Joyah was barely crawling and only on particular surfaces and she was still drinking from a bottle with help.  She is now walking, trying to talk, drinking from straws and not scared of the things that used to terrify her (such as animals).  She has truly switched from the infant stage (even at 18 months) to the toddler stage during these 6 months. 

            Over the course of these 6 months it has been apparent that Joyah was experiencing vision issues.  The depths of these issues are still not completely known but two vision exams by experts this week have determined much of them.   Joyah will be receiving glasses within the month for extreme acuity differences and deficits.  Her left eye is nearly blind and has an unhealthy optic nerve.  Her right eye is very weak but is her strong eye.  The glasses should help her acuity immensely.  Joyah will also need to be “patched” on the right eye everyday in order to make her left eye stronger and maintain vision.  If her brain isn’t forced to use her left eye, she may lose sight in that eye.  Our boys will certainly enjoy playing “pirate” with her.  Joyah will likely receive an eye muscle surgery to correct some further difficulties with her vision in a couple of years.

            Joyah turned 2 years old on October 13!  It was fun experiencing her very first birthday party along with family.  She really enjoyed her “Hello Kitty” party and liked the clothes, shoes and purse she received a lot!  Joyah is nothing like her “Momma”, as I could care less about most of those things.  I believe she will be a girly girl.  It was a very special time for the whole family and different to see all the “Pink” around.  God is good and we are so thankful for all the gifts he has given to our family through Joyah.             

 

 

Home 6 months from China- Oct 2nd!

            A new routine has started in the McNutt home as school has started for the boys and I (Michelle) have gone back to work.  Joyah is now attending daycare twice per week and loves every minute of it.  She receives therapy on the days we are at home either from a therapist or from mommy so going to daycare, I believe, are her “break” days.  She already knows the routines at daycare well and puts herself to sleep for nap.  We are thankful that she is enjoying it and adjusting well.

            At home, Joyah continues to receive speech and occupational therapies.  She is making progress all the time and has been able to say many new words and sounds.  Occupational therapy is still a challenge as she strengthens her mouth muscles and hand control.  Her right hand is difficult for her to use and it takes a lot of thought process to work it.  As part of her therapy, we have to wrap her left hand with an ace bandage so that she is forced to use her right hand.  At first, she hated it, but now, she is even capable of using a fork to feed herself with her right hand!  She loves singing the alphabet song and can say many phonetic sounds.  We are diligently working with her to get her to string the individual sounds together to make complete words.  She’s learning more and more words every day. Right now her favorite word to say is “that” as she points at anything and everything.  Now we just need to get her to put the “What’s” in front of it.

            Recently, it has been very noticeable that Joyah has vision issues as well as some instability when trying to walk and remain balanced.  She will be receiving a full examination by the Children’s Center for Visually Impaired in October in which we should be able to determine what kind of vision she does or doesn’t have.  We were told months ago that she would need glasses but we still don’t know the extent of the help she needs.  It will continue to take quite some time to figure out all the needs that Joyah has and how to help her but God is faithful and continues to be with us every step of the way.  It’s often not an easy task, but we are thankful God chose us to love and help our precious little girl along her way!