Joyah turned
3years old on Oct 13th! How
in the world did our little 17 month old China baby become 3 years old
already? We celebrated Joyah’s birthday
the same day we celebrated our youngest son Josiah’s baptism with much praise
and thanks for what God has done in our family’s life.
Joyah enjoyed a “Minnie Mouse” cake and even sang along to
the “Happy Birthday” song as our family once again showered her with love. She enjoyed her cake and presents much more
this year. On October 15th,
Joyah began to attend the “Great Beginnings” preschool where she attends for a
few hours four days per week. She
receives preschool education, special therapy services for vision and speech,
and occupational therapies. Joyah had no
problems going off to school and leaving Mom for a few hours, which is good and
bad. Although you want your child to be
confident and independent, this lack of anxiety when separated from us as her
parents is still of concern.
Over the course of the past eight months or so, I have become
“full-time” Mom to my children, particularly Joyah. We have not left Joyah in the care of others
(even family) but for a few hours on a few occasions. We have sought to be her only source of
affection, primarily receiving hugs, kisses and lap time from Mom or Dad. All of this is being done to solidify that
we are Mom and Dad and that we provide all the love, care and nurture that is needed. If you think about it, that is what newborns
get when all of their needs are primarily met by their mother or father. This is how they learn to trust and learn to
accept and receive love. When this is
not done for the child in the early stages of life, their brain does not make
the connections it needs to form healthy attachments and develop trust. Literally and physically, a child’s brain is
developed differently which makes it very difficult and sometimes impossible to
correct.
In all honesty, the past year or so have been the hardest of
my life. Only over the past eight months
have we really even understood why our daughter acted so kindly to strangers,
but so very hateful to us. Most of her
anger directed at us is done out of fear, and now that we understand that, it’s
a little easier to swallow. I have
spent many days where for hours, I hold Joyah while she kicks and screams at me
all because I said something “too kind” to her or I offered to “play” with her. This
simple action triggered fear. It often
can be very hard to distinguish three year old disobedient girl stuff from what
is a fear-based behavior. Rather than a
time out or other “negative” approaches, discipline for Joyah involves holding her
through a fit and making her re-do her behavior the right way. Every day is different and every day presents
a new challenge. She is always trying to
start a “fight” in some way because if she can get us upset with her, she believes
she is then in “control” and doesn’t have to respond to the love that we show
her. The more we show her love, the more
often she is triggered to respond by pushing us away physically and
emotionally.
Through all of this difficulty, I do believe that God knew
before we did what we would encounter and chose us to fight this battle with
and for Joyah. It is a battle for her
heart, soul and mind. It is a battle for
one of His precious children. God is
slowly growing us together as we learn to trust him more to raise Joyah for His
glory. HE is faithful and is giving us
hope in the battle. Joyah recently said,
“I need a hug” and wholeheartedly accepted it.
God is good!
